The Future

Sometimes i wonder if i had the chance to look into the future if i would actually take that opportunity. Looking into the future would be having the ability to know how my life turned out and i would have confirmation (i hope) that the chooses i make today ultimately gets me to my life's goal (which at the age of 26 i am still searching to find hopes, dreams and aspirations that seems as lost as i am right now). There is also the chance that my life in the future would suck if thats the case what would i do about that? Would making changes in my life have an affect on the lives of those around me? Am I even going to put that type of responsibility on myself of affecting others (thats my moment of overreacting..lol sorry)

Anyways, I think the truth is i wouldnt want to know what the future brings. Truth is i think thinking about the future is a waste of time. Why you may ask?Although i could do it, I am not going to give a sermon about God not promising tomorrow to anyone, my real reason for not worrying about the future is because i live in the present. The present is where change begins, we can say everyday what we will do in the future but unless we start with today we cannot make any changes. I can say today i can change my life and make it what i want it to be today. On the other hand, if I just sit and hope that in the future i can change then change will probably never come cause i am always waiting on tomorrow (the future).

I think would would be more fun is being able to travel to the past to correct the mistakes i made so that my present which would have been my future (if i am in the past) would be more of what i want it to me. (hope you was able to keep up with that i am not sure if i could...lol) Just think about it..lol

Anyways enough rambling on this topic

til the next post

Hair Talk: What Made Me Go Natural

My natural hair story is quite long and drawn out so i think i should just do a time line (kinda)...

First time going natural: I would say it was in 98 when i first decided to go natural. The reason why i did it was because i was tired of perming my hair and i was tired of my scalp being burned with perm. I didn't really have a hard time transitioning ( i wouldnt even say i "transitioned) because i only permed by hair twice a year max sometimes i did it one every 9months so when i got tired of the permed ends i cut them off. I stayed natural for a year then i permed my hair cause i wanted a change.

Second attempt at being natural: was in 2001 same year when i permed it, i put the perm on it stayed in for 3 mins before it started burning again i washed it off my hair had more of a texturized feel to it. I immediately missed my natural hair but it was spilled milk. i permed it about three times that year and finally had enough so i grew my hair out and cut the permed ends off again. I was natural for two years that time and then i went back to perming

Third time natural was in 2003: Same old story i was tired of being burned by the perm stayed natural another three years and permed it again because my sister kept pressuring me to perm it. (i know but hair wasnt an issue for me i always had long hair my hair always grow i had already been natural before i knew i could do it i didnt care so i permed it.)

Fourth and final time (pray for me) came probably in April 2008. This time i think it was my hair that decided for me that it had had enough with the perm. In November 2007 i permed my hair for the last time and my boyfriend told me he was curious about seeing my natural curls. so i decided i would just stop perming my hair long enough for it to grow out so he could see it then i would perm it again. (i was fed up with the cycle of being natural and relaxed) So by april the perm ends broke off really badly in the middle of my hair and my ends looks really unheathly and damaged ( this was the first time my hair had ever broken off.) So i got fed up and i just cut it all off and decided to let it grow out natural for a while. Anyways i still wasnt sold on being natural i thought i would just let my hair grow long and them i would relax it again. However i found the natural community on youtube and i saw how beautiful natural hair was so i decided to stick with it and now my sister is trying to go natural so its been lil over 2 years since i have been natural (i count from my last perm) and i have an appreciation for my natural hair that i never had before and i intend to stick it out. I may not always like my natural hair but i do love being natural.

I hate writing but i would love to publish a book...

I remember when i was younger i used to write stories for my sister to read or i would pretend that i was an author. I think if i could do anything in this world i would want to get a book published. I seriously would be complete. This is ironic to me because although i love the idea of being a writer i hate writing (well not exactly) i love writing but i hate correcting what i wrote and i hate writing about stuff that i am not passionate about. I hate having to pay attention to grammar and subject verb agreement and i hate worrying about transitions. Seriously, I have such horrible memories about sitting in English class ( I HATE ENGLISH) and having to write essays about topics that sucked, and the funny thing is whenever we had the freedom to choose our own topic i just wrote about what the person next to me was writing on cause i hated coming up with my own topics. What is funny to me is that i consider myself a creative person. However i don't like structure and i think thats one of the things i always hated about English class. I couldn't just ramble on aimlessly about things that were on my mind. No thats a no no all that got me was an F. I had to first plan my essay, then i had to come up with a catchy beginning (boring) then i had to come up with a thesis sentence (double yawn) then i needed to have topic sentences to support my thesis (i seriously almost fall asleep thinking about being in an English class.) Why cant i just write my thoughts on paper and have the teacher organize the ideas the way she or he sees fit. Anyways back to my goals of being a writer, i sm going to write a book and it is going to get published even if i am the one to finance it and i only sell one copy (well two cause my boyfriend would have to buy a copy too) it is going to happen i just have to ask another author what he/she is writing about...lol

Signs to know a man is really into you (just my opinion)

Signs to know that you found the right man. (these are just my opinion and i am no relationship counselor just something that came to my mind that i wanted to blog about.)

1. He is trustworthy.

You have to be able to trust your partner for the relationship to work. Trust is the foundation of any lasting relationship and it extends beyond knowing that he will not cheat on you. Trust is also knowing that he will be there for you whenever you need him. Its being secure that he would never leave your side and that he would protect you and put your needs before his own and you in turn, should return them same favor to him.

2. He is genuinely interested in getting to know you.

Sure sex is a great part of the relationship and you should be compatible sexually, however, for there to be a true love connection he has to get to know the real you. He should be interested getting to know your interests, and who you are as a person. A man cant fall in love with you if he doesn't know who you are.

3. He is protective but not obsessive
Sometimes as women we confuse the two. Obsession is not a sign of love its his way of trying to control you. If you cannot be yourself he will not know the real you therefore he cant love you. Protection is him showing interest in your well being. For example, you are working late and he picks you up from work at night and makes sure you get home safely. if he is unable to do that he at least calls you to make sure you arrive home safely. Obsession is him trying to establish himself as the dominate one in the relationship you want someone who treats you as an equal not as a subject.

4. He does things for you without you asking.
True story, one night i was really thirsty and i said out loud that i was thirsty, but it was too cold to get out of bed so i just went back to sleep, about 10mins later i felt a tap on my shoulder and my boyfriend handed me a glass of water. it must have been 3am in the morning. I didnt even know he heard me when i said i was thirsty nor did i expect him to do that for me. I swear my love for him grew 20times bigger. Its not always about how much money he gives you when you ask for it that shows he loves you. Its the little things he does that are unexpected that shows his dedication and love.

5. All of his friends and family know about you.
This is probably the most important trait. IF you have been dating a guy for over a year and you have never met his family or friends... (i am going to leave it there its self explanatory.)

Five Random Things about me.

1. I am in a long long long distance relationship.

A little over four years ago i met my bf online and he lives in Europe and i live in the Bahamas and we have a great faithful relationship with the Atlantic ocean and about 13hrs (sometimes more) of travel time between us.

2. I talk to myself

I think i have the best conversations with myself, I get what i am talking about, i give myself great advice i dont have to worry about telling my own secrets.

3. I have read over 300 books maybe more.

I own A LOT of romance books... and i have read most of them

4. I watch 17hrs of tv a day (thats days when i am home all day)

I love watching tv i am addicted to tv and yea i love tv.

5. I am working on learning my third language.

Right now i speak english and spanish fluently and now i am working on dutch.

20 Questions answered.Got these questions from a tag going around on YT.

1.Thing you cannot leave the house without

I would have to say money... Everything else isnt that important as long as i have money.

2.Favorite brand of makeup

I dont have a favourite brand of makeup.

3.Favorite Flowers

My favourite flower used to be Daisies but now its the Tulip its funny how they can still grow in a vase of just water.

4.Fav clothing stores

Dont have one.

5.Fav perfume

I dont wear perfume

6.Heels or flats

Flats but because i have an arch in foot heels are more comfortable.

7.Do you make good grades?

I can if i want to but mostly grades dont matter to me as long as i pass.

8.Fav colors

Green and Pink are my favourite colours.

9.Do you drink energy drinks?

I dont drink energy drinks although i think i should.

10.Do you drink juice?

Yes

11.Do you like swimming?

No

12.Do you eat fries with a fork?

Sometimes

13.Whats your fav moisturizer?

Right now i would have to say Almay.

14.Do you want to get married later on in life?

I am getting married next year (by the grace of God its a long story)

15.Do you get mad easily?

I get mad easily but i dont stay mad for long;

16.Are you into ghost hunting?

Yea right you wish.

17.Any phobias?

I used to be afraid of the dark but i think my main phobia would have to be heights and ledges.

18.Do you bite your nails?

I used to for years and then i stopped.

19.Have you ever had a near death experience?

Maybe this counts when i was younger i was eating chicken neck and it went into my windpipe yea... and once or twice i was on the beach and i almost drown.

20.Do you drink coffee?

Nope i am not a coffee drink i already have too many addictions to pick up coffee drinking too.

Weight Loss

This is an interesting topic for me, i dont know where to begin with this. First i can say i am 26 years old and i have been overweight for probably the last 5 years of my life. Before I really started to gain weight i was average to slim. I started to gain weight as a means of rebelling against people who told me i was gaining weight just cause i gained 10lbs i guess it (gaining weight) was my way of telling them i can do whatever i want its my body. Its funny how when you gain weight your eating habits really differ from when you are slim. For example when i was slim i didnt crave junk food and sweets as much as i do now. When i was slimmer i ate only what i needed, if i didnt feel like eating chips i didnt eat it but now that im bigger and weight has become an issue for me i dont know how to say no to junk food. Its like my mind has taken full control of me and i have absolutely no will power. If i think about ice cream whether i feel like eating it or not if its in sight i will eat it. I dont know if its emotional eating cause my mood is always the same i think its eating because i am bored. Before recently i had always been able to lose the extra pounds, what changed what when i was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism/graves disease. So to correct that i did RAI (if you dont know it google it) anyways once i did that i developed hypothyroidism almost immediately and i gained 25lbs in like a month maybe two and for the first time in my life i weight over 200lbs (that was a year and a half ago). I must say even though i am plus size i am comfortable with the way i look (mostly thats probably due to the fact that my bf supports me and loves me for who i am). Anyways i have recently decided for future health reasons i would lose weight, i have tried low carb diets but the only thing that works for me is following a low glycemic diet eating mostly fruit and veggies with lean meats. I hope to lose 70lbs by next year april But to do this i have to make a lifestyle change. Diets do more harm than good but regardless i think the most important step is to love myself in the skin that i am in and then work on the body i want.

The Golden Rule: Inconsiderate people

First of all i would like to begin by saying there isn't anything wrong with being selfish. Everyone has the right to do what they want to do as long as it doesn't affect the lives of people around them. However, while we may want to be selfish and self centered we are humans and humans are social-able by nature, and if you want people to treat you kindly and consider your needs, wants and desires you have to be able to return the favour. Always remember the golden rule, Treat others the way that you would have them treat you...

This brings me to my main point. If you go out to get something to eat and you live in a house with other people, the considerate thing to do would be to call the persons in the house say i am going to get something to eat do anyone else want something? (you may even want to add that you expect your money back on arrival) The inconsiderate thing to do is to go home with food knowing that there are other people in the house and eat your food alone without offering others to share what you brought. It could just be me but i cannot know that other people are in the house and only buy for me without knowing whether they have eaten or want something to eat too.

It's not just about food (it is right now cause i am hungry :P) But its about the principle. Applying the golden rule i am gonna end by saying apparently people treat you the way they want to be treated... i am not going to overextend myself for people who dont deserve it. The same goes for relationships, friendships and other social settings. If you are in a relationship where the person isnt considering your feelings and you spoke to them about it and nothing changes they are sending you a message that that is how they want to be treated. Therefore, save yourself the heartache and move on or give them a taste of their own medicine.

I know some people are saying two wrongs dont make a right and all that bull but if you are saying that you are probably one of those inconsiderate persons i am talking about.

Peace, Love and Happiness

Women, Are we too hard on the men in our lives?

This is something i am guilty of doing, sometimes i am just too hard on my boyfriend. We have been together for 4 years and 2months and i am sure he probably thinks that i am bi polar. One day i am happy and i am in love with him and cant wait to spend forever with him and the next moment he annoys me and i dont want to talk to him. Its like sometimes he can do no wrong while other times he can do no right..lol For instance, right now he is trying to talk to me, he has been trying to talk to me for 2hours now and i only give him one word answers to him questions. He asked me if anything is wrong or if he did something wrong and all i say is true. What does true means?

In my heart i know i am not treating him fairly but my emotions and mind are not on the one accord right now, my heart says to let him know you just dont really feel like talking right now but my mind is like screw it he will get over it...

Are we too hard on our men? We expect them to know how to treat us and what we need but we dont help them out. We take out our bad moods on them and ignore them and treat them as though they are disposable and then we get upset when one day (after they have tried so hard to please us) they get fed up and walk away. I guess what i want to say is if you have a good man who is genuinely interested in your well being cherish him, dont just be angry with them and not tell them why you are upset, dont take out your frustration on him (unless he deserves it of course). Most importantly, listen to your heart not your mind cause sometimes our minds lead us astray.

Ramblings and Randomness from a sleepy head

Its 12am and even though i should be sleeping i am trying to think of something to post. For some reason having a blog interests me right now so i am gonna give it a try. I find it funny that i always have these great ideas (well i think they are great) in my mind but i never seem to carry them out for longer than a week cause i get bored very quickly. Not only do i get bored quickly, i dont like commitment, i am extremely unorganized and i have a messy room (where did that come from?) I am hoping that eventually i will have a focus to my blog but right now i am gonna post about everything under the sun. Meaning if i think about it and i feel like typing i will post something..lol Hopefully i will carry this on for more than two weeks, but if i dont then hey its the best two weeks of my life. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY ME :D...lol Mostly this isnt going to be that interesting cause i dont really expect anyone to stumble across my blog and take the time out to read the rubbish i am posting. My mind is so unfocused that if my english teacher was to read this i would probably fail because i dont have a thesis and topic sentences, i lack transitions and i probably am using my commas and punctuations wrong. BUT SO WHAT? i am not in english right now and this isnt for a grade... I swear writing rubbish is quite fun. Anyways im rambling this is enough of this Its night night time,,,, my pillow is calling (well its not but lets pretend it is)

Ta Ta